Wednesday, 30 December 2009

I ♥ the bleeding city of Karachi

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After leading a nomadic life for a better part of his life, my dad chose Karachi to be his home and bought our house back in 1975. Of all his children, I am the only one who is a true blue Karachiite – born and raised in the city I affectionately call ‘the city of candle lights’.

My father used to work for a bank in a tall building on Chundrigar Road. Being an over curious child I wanted to know everything about his work. I must have been around 9 years old when he took me to his office for a day. I did not learn anything about banking except for the fact that everyone swivels their chairs in the office and was suitably impressed by his assistant’s perfectly coifed hair – a kind lady who gave me a lot of office stationary. One thing that is still vivid in my mind about that visit was my first glimpse of Merewether Tower from his 11th floor office’s glass window. That was the day I fell in love with the city I still call home.

After that day, I would request my dad to take me to work every day because I wanted to see the city. He obviously refused and I remember telling him in a huff that one day, I too will have an office on the same road. Fast forward to a few years and I am newbie at a newspaper. I was given assignments that no one would take and I gladly took them all because those assignments gave me the chance to discover my city. I have had a fairly protected middle class upbringing where parents pick and drop the children and don’t let them wander around the city. My new found independence was heady and I discovered Kharadar and Methadar, Bolton Market, Tower, Urdu Bazaar, Chakiwara and Lyari while meandering through the streets on the pretext of working on my stories. For someone who cannot file the tax returns of her minuscule salary, the sight of white clad old Memon entrepreneurs calculating millions on old rusty calculators was enchanting. I remember my first visit to Jackson, a notorious area in Lyari famous for finding all the stolen goods where a man wanted to sell me a fairly new stolen motorbike for 10,000. When I told him that I don’t know how to ride a bike he threw in the lessons for another 200 rupees. I remember discovering a paan wala near Civil Hospital who sold special pan for 250 rupees a piece. I also remember my first visit to Lunda Bazaar where I was astounded to find out that if you look hard enough, you can actually find the labels you are looking for. Each and every part and person of the old city made me fall in love with Karachi a little more.

One of my German friends who lived in Islamabad for a few years once asked me why do I love Karachi and I said I don’t know. Loving Karachi is an acquired taste and those who have not lived here would never know it. Karachiites love their city the way a mother loves her ugly child, warts and all, but I have always known one thing. One of the reason I love Karachi is the business district and the area surrounding it. I love the buildings from the British Raj period and once told Nasreen Jalil, city’s deputy mayor, that she is the luckiest woman in the city not only because she has an office in one of the grandest buildings (KMC Building) in the city, she has a designated parking space to her name.

In a planned arson attempt on December 28th 2009, part of the same building along with Denso Hall, Akbar Building and approximately 1500 shops on M. A. Jinnah Road, Bolton Market and adjacent areas were set ablaze. According to renowned architect Yasmin Lari, the one-and-a-half kilometers strip between the KMC building and Merewether Tower houses about 60 historical buildings, majority of them protected under the Sind Cultural Heritage Protection Act. Not only people have lost their livelihood and their life savings in the fire, we, the citizens, have lost a part of the architecture that made Karachi the city it was. I am at a loss why such incidents of vandalism happen in Karachi alone and nowhere else in the city, who are the people who surface after every such tragedy armed with petrol and phosphorus to loot and burn the city. I almost died on December 27, 2007 when similar carnage was wreaked upon the citizens of Karachi and I know of people who are still reeling from the financial loss they accrued on that fateful day two years ago.

The suicide bomber who started it all obviously died, but the CCTV footage shows the faces of vandals. They not only destroyed the private property of the shopkeepers in the area, they also burned down public property such as Police and KESC vehicles and buildings under cultural heritage protection. As a tax paying citizen, I DEMAND that the home ministry runs the faces of vandals through NADRA’s database, find them and publicly punish them so that people will think twice about destroying public property in future. They should also release the tapes to the media so that we will know the faces of the people who destroyed our beloved city. I, along with all the other tax payers bear the cost of such acts and I am sick & tired of paying for it. I want the culprits behind the bars and I want them there right now.




The tower of the KMC Building is visible behind the theick dark smoke.




The vandals




The fire that turned millionaires into penniless people.







The burnt CDGK vehicles in KMC building compound.



Photos were stolen from BBC and Dawn

Monday, 30 November 2009

Signs of Baloch dissent in the outskirts of Karachi

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Just step out to the outskirts of Karachi and you will notice signs of Baloch dissent everywhere. The picture below says Balochistan Liberation Army Zindabad (Long live Balochistan Liberation Army) and it was taken earlier today en route to the Beach. Apart from ubiquitous PPP flags and some signs of activity from MQM, BLA's support was chalked on almost every wall.




Friday, 27 November 2009

Persecution of another kind !

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Pakistan’s cricket board has got to be the most indiscreet sport regulating body in the globe. First they leaked the reports about Shoaib Akhtar’s genital warts to the world and now they are showing displeasure at his attempts to gain fitness after undergoing liposuction. While it may not have been the smartest move on Akhtar's part – his whole life is a series of one bad decision after another – the board in general, and its deputy director general Dr Waqar Ahmed in particular, have been quite vindictive in repeatedly over sharing his medical condition with media down to the details of exact numbers of kilograms of fat lost during the aforementioned liposuction session.

Pakistan Cricket Board is not the most efficient sporting board in the world and is using one Shoaib Akhtar incident after another to deflect the spotlight from its own incompetence and mismanagement.

It’s not just the cricket board or the media that laps up every little morsel of salacious news about the likes of Meera & Shoaib Akhtar, everyone of us who consumes such news, laughs at it and shares it at various social networking sites are just as guilty. It’s about time we give them a break.



Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Reading 'The News' is more painful than a visit to the dentist...

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Reading newspapers in today’s Pakistan is an ordeal. All you get to read is news about bombings, acts of terrorism and gang rapes which is traumatic at best. But what gets you even more nauseous is reporting done in bad taste and almost non existing editing. The News International was never a great newspaper to begin with, but of late, their standards have reached a new low.

Apart from printing bat shit crazy assed & and downright offensive opinion pieces by Dr A. Q. Khan, they have previously published news about Singer Humaira Arshad’s visit to Punjab’s CM House and how a political party will hold a meeting on September 33 – yes you read it right – September 33. The funny thing is that this news item was published back in September but no one bothered to correct it.

Today’s 'The News' was no exception. A report published about the launch of Namal Knowledge City by PTI Chief Imran Khan described his house as a citadel (I think it was the new word that particular reporter recently learned). Among other things, reporter was at pains to point out that Imran Khan did not use the word former while talking about his ex wife and how people gossiped about it.
“Imran Khan revealed that his wife had declined to send his children to the function for security reasons. The guests whispered when he did not use the word ‘former’ while referring to his wife.”
While the whole world, his wife and his assorted animals know that the total amount of aid that would come to Pakistan through the now infamous Kerry Lugar Bill is $7.5 billion, The news editors got a bit carried away and decided to replace the decimal between 7 & 5 with a zero making the amount a whopping $705 billion. I just hope that American tax payers are willing to shell out that kind of money.

The bat shit crazy assed QUOTE OF THE DAY came from former CM of NWFP Mohammed Akram Durrani who says that with assistance in form of Kerry Lugar Bill – or KLB as it is affectionately termed by the local media – the United States is trying to start a civil war in Pakistan by the year 2010. What the fuck does he mean by 2010? What are we doing right now? I thought we are already in a war like situation where 30,000 troops are carrying a massive operation in the North West Border region

Following it closely is the other super crazy quote came from former information minister Muhammed Ali Durrani who believes that “the tabling of the controversial National Reconciliation Ordinance (NRO) in parliament was a vicious attempt to divert the attention of the nation from the ‘anti-Pakistan’ Kerry-Lugar Bill (KLB) and this attempt would be foiled by the vigilant media and political parties.” I just hope to God that he was not referring to his own party – PML Q – as one of those vigilant parties.





PS: I actually read the newspaper while waiting at the dentist’s. So miffed I was with The News that after I came back, I tracked all the news that I remembered and linked it to this post. Reading it was definitely more painful than scaling, really.






PPS: If possible, the epaper header has even more atrocious English.


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Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Gift of gall or permanent lapse of reason?

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On September 14th 2009, 19 women were killed in a stampede in Karachi. New York Times reported that the stampede occurred when a local trader was distributing food – flour, lentils and other goods – in the southern part of the city. Hundreds of women and children had gathered in the narrow lanes, and according to the witnesses; the women tumbled over one another trying to enter a building in an attempt to collect the food first. 25 people were reportedly injured in the incident.

The event was sad and a lot has been said and written about the incident. A couple of the people who have discussed this tragic incident on tv are Aamir Liaquat Hussian and good ol’ Junaid Jamshed in a program which was aired on the eve of the aforementioned horrific incident.

While Aamir Liaquat was busy reading out from what can only be called excerpts from Urdu thesaurus and acting all humble and modest in response to the words of praises from his female fan brigade, Junaid Jamshed came up with a very interesting theory about class differences, hunger, stampede, self respect and religion.

According to Maulana Junaid Jamshed, it is ok if rich Muslims do not follow the religion, but if poor Muslims let go of the sacred religious teachings, the whole society would collapse. He repeatedly made references to “Ghareeb ka Imaan” (poor people’s faith) and “Ameer ka Imaan” (rich people’s faith) as if your class is responsible for your levels of faith and piety. He further went on and said that when poor people embrace the true values of Islam, they are endowed with the gift of self respect, restrain and integrity. His theory was that even if people are poor and hungry, their self respect – endowed only through strict adherence to Islam – will not allow them to go beg for food and consequently, they will be saved from such incidents and death by stampede. Around minute 16.20 in the video, Junaid Jamshed further said that if poor people just practice restraint and stay hungry for three days, Allah will provide food for them for one whole year. This is from a man who probably never had to stay hungry in his life and charges Rs. 2000 for a shalwar (loose Pakistani trousers) that actually costs Rs 200 in his clothing store? He even had the cheek to ask if staying hungry for three days and then waiting for manna from heavens for one whole year (I have absolutely no idea how he arrived at the exact time range of 3 days of hunger and one year warranty of food supply from heavens) is an easier option or getting in line for free food and risking death by stampede?

Mr Jamshed has four children, if they are hungry and crying for food, would he rather stay cooped up in his house telling his children to stay hungry so that Allah will send manna from heaven or will he run all over the place to feed his children? A man who was paid a cool 2 million rupees for half an hour’s work (he shot a tv commercial for Lays Chips also known as Lays chips fatwa) will probably never know what hunger is and how devastating it can be? Self respect, privacy and integrity are things that only rich and well off people can afford, the rest are busy making out a living for themselves and their children.

I am astounded at the cheek of the man. Not only did he blame the victims for begging for flour, he was annoyed at the beggars who knock on his car windows for alms and blamed them for making the likes of him more indifferent to their plight by constantly banging on their air conditioned car windows. I would never condone beggary but one must also take into consideration the recession, loss of jobs for so many people and government’s apathy towards employment generation schemes for its populace. According to the World Food Program, 24 per cent of the population of Pakistan is under noursihed and 38 per cent of Pakistani children under the age of five are under weight. It calls the state of hunger in Pakistan, "alarming." Imagine, if everyone takes the advice of Junaid Jamshed to heart and and sit on their ass and do nothing and wait for the manna, how will the situation of hunger exacerbate in the country.

What is a bigger tragedy that none of the live callers to the program were intelligent enough to point out what a fraud people like JJ and Ammir Liaquat are. Everyone sang their praises to death and one of the callers even called Junaid jamshed an angel (I am not sure angels would be as big a sartorial disaster as Junaid Jamshed was in his burgady red kurta).



PS: Its a very long video, if you are short of time, just catch the bit from 11th minute to18th minute in the video.


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Wednesday, 9 September 2009

...and the halalness saga continues ...

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Honestly, I never thought that my blog posts would be taken seriously by anyone, let alone makers of a halal search engine.

A few weeks back, PTI reviewed one of my previous posts about a halal browser and commented that although the post was in good humour, it was taken very seriously by the more pious readers. That report was carried by Pune Mirror, Yahoo India and The American Conservative to name a few.

A Dutch company came up with a halal search engine (If there exists a Halal browser, please enlighten me about it) with help of which Muslims will be able to surf the internet without the fear of accidentally encountering sinful material. The site is called www.iamhalal.com and comes with the tagline; I search halal, I am halal (wonder what does that make a bonafide google worshiper like me).

Now, I am not a narcissist nutcase who believes that the whole world is copying her but these guys totally stole my idea of three levels of halalness – or rather haramness.

If you type a word that is deemed inappropriate by the search engine, you will be warned in 3 levels of haram.

A query for the term “Suicide bombings” is considered level 1 haram and came with this warning.

Oops! Your search inquiry has a Haram level of 1 out of 3. This means that the results fetched by ImHalal.com could be haram!

The word “Sex” was deemed level 2 Haram. The warning for it goes something like this:

Oops! Your search inquiry has a Haram level of 2 out of 3. This means that the results fetched by ImHalal.com could be haram!

Searching a word like “Fornication” would put the search engine on red alert (literally) and the warning would come in red letters.

Oops! Your search inquiry has a Haram level of 3 out of 3! I would like to advise you to change your search terms and try again

Honestly, this search engine is in a bad taste. Words like love, kissing and Nazi are level 1 haram and words like gay, lesbian and sexy are level 3 haram but words like fascism, nigger, molester, murder and torture are totally halal.

What kind of weird world we live in where adult Muslims would actively seek an internet nanny to filter stuff for them!


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Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Three cheers for halal ness.

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Damn the Jews!

They have beaten the more pious Muslims to it again. A new ‘kosher’ search engine called Koogle has been launched for orthodox Jews living in Israel, which will allow them to surf cyberspace without ever encountering unbecoming images or faith wavering text and keep the dangers of subversion and temptation at bay. Koogle will follow the religious standards set by the rabbis and is aimed at helping orthodox Jews stay on the stipulated path.

Apparently a jibe at Google, Koogle will filter out forbidden material and provide its consumers kosher bits and pieces from the net. This provides an impetus to our more religious-minded Muslim brothers to come up with a halal search engine or perhaps something even better: a halal browser. The halal browser could scan the web and act all big brotherly for the benefit of its devout and virtuous users.

Ideally, the halal browser will check out the halal quotient of the content in cyberspace. The browser could also label web content according to different levels of halalness. The varying degrees of halalness could range from barely halal to standard halal and extra or strictly halal and everything in between.

The barely halal version will only let the user know that there is dangerous content ahead and warn that if you want to keep your faith intact, browse no further. The standard halal version will not only warn you about dangerous content ahead, but will also distort the appearance of the browser and scream ‘haram haram!’ Anyone with even a remnant of faith will cease browsing non-halal content and will revert to halal content. The reward for clicking along the righteous path - Ovais Qadri naats in the background.

Meanwhile, the strictly halal version will not warn you about anything; instead, it will just obstruct the material deemed inappropriate by the maulanas. For instance, if you are on Facebook or blogging to your heart’s desire and you see adverts with a semi-nude woman with a lollipop (the ultimate test of your faith) asking you to buy this or that, fear no more. The new and improved halal browser, equipped with halal firewall, will take care of it for you. You can look forward to a situation in which only totally halal adverts for items such as halal chicken, halal chips, halal banking and Umrah tours pop on your browser.

If you are an online shopper and have indulged in shopping taboo items in the past, the new and improved halal browser will even curb your enthusiasm for all things forbidden and halt your purchase before you set up your Paypal account.

The only problem is that we do not have this halal browser right now. For a religious minded businessman, it is the best opportunity since halal foods and Shariah-compliant banking to make some solid dough. If Junaid Jamshed is done with modeling for a commercial in the guise of public service message, which, let’s be honest, is really a fatwa in favour of a commercial product, he can now invest to develop the first-ever Shariah compliant halal browser.

Of course, if you were already using the halal browser, this blog would have been blocked at the get-go.

Originally written for Dawn


PS: Please read the comments at the Dawn blog, you will want to bang your head against a wall.