After my latest sojourn to the local cinema, I have come to
the conclusion that I seriously need to move to a country where they show
things besides ‘Abraham Lincoln: the Vampire Killer’, ‘Rowdy Rathore’ and something
called ‘Cocktail’.
For starters, why was the film called ‘Cocktail’? All
indiscretions happened after shots, all conversation happened over a glass of
red, Saif Ali Khan even competed to finish a beer bottle in one go, but NO
cocktails, so why name it cocktail? It’s not like anyone was either serving or
drinking them but I digress.
The film starts with Saif Ali Khan playing an Indian
Lothario and wooing a flight attendant with lines so cheesy you would think you
are not in a cinema but damp cheese ripening rooms. As if that
was not cringe worthy enough, he continued to act like a stupid 22 year old and
tried pick up lines – in Hindi – that were once used by Dev Anand in his jawani,
on random gori women on the streets of London and his workplace. He tried to do
the same to a certain Bharti Naari at Heathrow airport, who came all the way from India
in gulabi jora, bangles and bindi to meet her husband. The husband turned out
to be a scumbag who only married her for her money and wanted her to go back to India. She was a loser miskeen behen ji type with no parents and an aunt who couldn't care less about her and one wonders why anyone would marry her for money.
Somehow the Bharti naari
ended up in a club’s (or was it a restaurant, I can’t recall as I must have
dozed off in the super thanda air conditioned cinema hall) restroom where a
party girl played by Deepika Padukone came to her rescue. To cut a long story
short, Bharti naari became a free loader at the party girl’s house and in
another scene the Lothario and Party girl decided to become lovers (they said they
are just having fun) and he too moved in to party girl's house.
A few other inanities, a crazy Punjabi mother
and bumbling mama scenes later, party girl decided that she is done having fun
and wants the whole works: Shadi, ghar aur bachay. While party girl has had a change
of heart, the Bharti naari went on a vacation with these two, wore a
short dress, had a few shots, danced a bit and wham, the Lothario falls in love
with her. Even though the party girl had been doing pretty much all of it all along,
the Lothario remained unaffected. But the minutes Bharti naari showed her long
limbs, the dude was a goner. Even though the girl was a Bharti naari who was
still married to the money hungry scumbag, she had no qualms about kissing her
BFF’s boy friend – the same BFF who sheltered her, was also sponsoring her
lifestyle (and perhaps her vacations). What about the bharti naari code that a wife must stick to her husband
after saat pheray even if he happens to be an arse and a greedy one at that? What happened to the girl code that says that 'thou shalt not look at your bestie's boy friend with lovey dovey eyes?'
When the party girl finds out, she flips and the Bharti naari
goes out. The minute the bharti naari is out of this aging lothario’s life, she
goes back to her old dowdy self and behenji clothes. I mean who wears floral
printed corduroy cropped jackets FFS!
The scenes where the party girl begs the Lothario to marry
her border on torture. Here is a friendly, free spirited, well off party girl
begging a guy with too much Botox, to take her and is willing to morph into
his mother’s clone for him to accept her. To make it even more puke inducing,
she mouths dialogues like “Party girl (forgot what the party girl was called in
the film) bhi ek normal larki hai, usko bhi pati aur ghar ka sukh chahiye.” With lines like this, feminism goes back to
the century before last.
Lothario did not have one endearing quality apart from bouts
of grocery shopping and still two seemingly intelligent, beautiful women who
are both taller than the Lothario fall for him. The behen ji who called him pig
for being a man whore fell for him just because he said she is beautiful! I mean
how easy do the Bollywood walahs think girls are, esp those who are like ten
feel tall and weigh 120 pounds?
The premise of the film was that men fall for behen ji types
even when they are man whores and have slept with half the women in two metros
(Delhi and London). Lothario was a slut because he had not found true love,
party girl was a slut because she has abandonment issues and Bhati naari was NOT
a slut because she was insecure about her looks.
I ask Bollywood one simple question: Why can't sluts be
sluts because they feel like it? Why do they have to have something deep going
on? Why can’t the NOT sluts be Not sluts because they do not feel like sleeping
around? Why do they have to be insecure about their looks and what not. Why can’t
life be simpler and why does Saif Ali Khan use this much Botox?
The party girl, the Lothario & Bharti naari in a not so Bharti naari-ish dress! |
12 comments:
You have written my exact sentiments about the movie ... Why does Bollywood need to present women in such a cliched role ... Little Miss Perfect .... Bah ...
Love your "review"...Not the biggest fan of Indian cinema to start with... this just put paid to my wavering decision of whether I should go watch this mish mash-cocktail-whatever! Thats 500 bucks saved....think Ill go pig out on some ice cream!!! Thankyou!
Ecellent review.
Should be Bhartiye Naari !!
Wonderfully written, exactly how I or perhaps every thinking mind must have felt.
whoahhhhh....
now that's an awesome review...
and Tazeen, you really are a woman after my own heart.... I share the feelings abt this flick with you.
keep it up.
Haha! Your review reminds me of a conversation in Woh Saat Din between Anil Kapoor and Naseer. Naseer is a writer who proposes that his married heroine run back to her lover. Kapoor is aghast and says something to the tune of, bullshit, khud khushi is the only way to go man. I guess we haven't moved fwd that much in 25 years.
Waise, is hafte acchi Hindi film dekhni hai aapko to 'Gattu' dekh aayein
Anong0613: Actually, it should be Bhaartiya not "Bhartiye"
Bonjour Tazeen,
Unfortunately this kind of bullshit movie is not available in France. That's a clear divide, I suppose.
As to the Botox consumer - the guy with the chain around his neck and the olive T-shirt - I wish to point out that the stuff is not only against crinkles. It is a drug against epilepsy and migraine. Could he have both?
Georg
This is the best review I have read for Cocktail. Such stupid movies deserves more posts like this. They just brainwash people into believing all that Bhartiya Nari bullSh*t.
I love you.
apparently England and south Africa have summer at the same time. you don't develop a British accent despite being brought up there. you can woo your client, take her to a night club, grind with a stranger and dump the client without any business implications... and much more. imtiaz ali wrote this in his sleep.
kiyun saas bhi kabhi bahu thee.
http://mumbaiboss.com/2012/07/16/the-vigil-idiot-cocktail/
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