The alternate universe where Shahid Afridi and Katrina Kaif share a plate of biryani

Nothing makes me miss the city of Karachi more than its crazy, zany weird as hell billboards, banners and adverts. Here in the twin cities, you either see road side advertising  selling real estate (Gulberg anyone?), the odd billboard of the PM or the President opening an institute or welcoming a foreign dignitary or if you move to Rawalpindi, you will spot chotay Mian sahib (Shahbaz Sharif) celebrating the construction of a nala or kamyab dengue bachao muhim, but nothing even comes close to the creativity and the entrepreneurial spirit of Karachi and its people. 

Once upon a time, a cart vendor by the name of Ilyas Quraishi started selling Biryani in my old neighbourhood in Karachi. We don’t know if it was because his biryani tasted better than others or because he was the sole biryani seller in the muhalla or the fact that he used to raise the price of his product every quarter; his business grew phenomenally and in few short years, he moved from a single cart to multiple carts, then a shack to a proper shop and then multiple shops. This reflects two things; Ilyas Bhai is a bonafide Karachiite who is enterprising and knows his business really well. Secondly, we in Karachi, can never get enough of Biryani, that is why the city of lights has many 'rags to riches' stories of the biryani sellers of all varieties. 

This Eid, Ilyas bhai decided to go big and ordered a couple of giant billboards to announce to the world that Ilyas Bhai and his biryani are both here to stay. 

Ilyas Quraishi Biryani house wishes you Eid along with Shahid Afridi, Shahrukh Khan and Katrina Kaif

On the extreme right corner of this billboard, we have Bollywood superstar Shahrukh Khan, getting many thelafuls (bagfuls just does not seem right when talking about biryani) of Ilyas Biryani while riding a bike. An unseen acquaintance asks him, "Shahrukh Bhai, kya baat hai, itni dher saari biryani lay ke ja rahain hain woh bhi Ilyas Bhai ki, kya mehman aye hain?" Shahrukh, in his glorious hairdo says, "Kya karain bhai, humaray mehmaan tau Ilyas Bhai ke ilawa kisi aur ki biryani khatay hi naheen."

It does not end here, in this Ilyas biryani alternate universe, Shahid Afridi – or Lala or Shahid Bhai as he is affectionately called by the fans – is married to Katrina Kaif. In their biryani filled coupledom, a conversation goes like this:

Katrina: "Birynai kaheen idhar udhar se mat lana, sirf Ilyas Biryani se hi lana warna mein naraz ho kar apni ammi ke yehan chali jaon gee. 

Shahid Bhai gets worried, does not even bother to change and start running towards Ilyas Birayni in his Pakistan team kit saying, "Naheen naheen, apni ammi ke yehan mat jana, mein Ilyas Biryani hi la raha hoon."

This too reflects two things; firstly, Bollywood is BIG; from selling soaps to fizzy drinks to Ilyas Bhai ki Biryani, we need Katrina Kaif and Shahrukh Khan. Second of all, if there is anyone who either matches or beats the Bollywood brigade in terms of popularity and selling goods, it is Shahid Bhai. Misbah might be all gracious and sage and leader-like, but he can never sell a plate of biryani -- or mugh cholay for that matter -- it is brand Afridi that does it.



PS: I wonder what numerous Lala fangurls have to say about this pairing of Shahid Afridi and Katrina Kaif by Ilyas Quraishi biryani walay. 

Photo Courtesy: Salman Jillani